On the Road with Mistress Terri
Worthless Man-Beast, at your >urp< service!

I have recently had the pleasure of being "on the road with Master Doug" and may even get a mention in his next posse of reviews which I believe are being typed up as we speak.  It was a week ago, April 9th, that I flew to New York to join Doug and a friend called Carol (the Doyen of Wall Street) for a brace of operas at the Met.  No matter how cynical I may appear at times (usually half past seven and a quarter to three), I always get a RUSSSSSSSSSSH! from flying somewhere to see an Opera, even when it isn't by Richard Wagner.  I fly United by choice and through experience.  I drive Hertz rentals exclusively and frequently.  My experiences with other airlines and auto rentals were "not exactly" the thing to keep me coming back so my hat is off to these Corporate Leviathans who manage to "walk the walk".

Anyway, wasn't this supposed to be about Terri?  Yes, you are right...I digress.

If you love Terri with all your heart as I do - and how can you NOT? - then you'll be happy to know that in real life, up THIS CLOSE, she is indeed All Woman.  She oozes sexuality....so much so it is best to have a roll of Bounty paper towels or a mop standing by.

I first met her online, I know not how, as it is lost in the mists of Corona, but on first meeting I liked the cut of her jib as she hove to Port.

We arranged to meet during a Ring Cycle in Flagstaff Arizona in summer '98 at an Opera-L gathering.  I don't subscribe to Opera-L and in fact really only read one board, AOL's Opera Oasis, and was quick to point this out to the pin-wearing L'ers at the table (How to win Friends....).  I asked if there was a "Terri" there and indeed there was, a fine woman obviously kept looking ravishing by a life of indolence and culture-vulturing.  Her dark eyes, soft complexion, silky brown hair, perfect dentistry all cried out "Here! Adore me, worthless man-beast" and I would have fallen at her dainty pedicured feet there and then had not the sublime image been corrupted by the ring of mustard and ketchup around her lips as she bit into her double cheeseburger.

Nobody is perfect...I know....but Terri comes so gosh-darned close it is frightening, and I am not easily scared.

It was indeed my pleasure that evening, after a drive to Monument Valley, to pick Terri up in my convertible, her hair flowing, shimmering, in the warm night air of Arizona, and to drive her swiftly and safely to my lakeside cottage where, among other like-minded friends, brought hither by the music of Richard Wagner, we forged a friendhip that has lasted, oh, since well past lunch time.  We did not get off to a smooth start, alas, as she first scorned the log fire I had set a-blazin', which , you must trust me, was a MANLY fire, if not a full blown raging inferno.  Apparently Women can make a more hellacious pyre.  Secondly the bottle of Champagne which admittedly had been brought by Terri was snatched from my pursed and expectant lips with a guttural cry of "Hog!" and a withering glance.  Thirdly, in my own home I was scorned for daring to produce a cigarette with intent to relax my already frayed nerves, and this Californian, bran -muffin, crystal strokin', famous-dead-person-channeling, Nautilus-workin'-outtin' strumpet forced ME out from the comfort of the toasty fire to the creekside deck, to shiver and smoke my little smoke while she and her gal pals chortled and wheezed with laughter by the cosy hearth.

I forgave her of course....I know smoking cigarettes makes me somewhat a social liability in these times...it is out of fashion, I know.

To share a Ring Cycle with friends is I think one of the best ways to spend one's time and money.  Whether it be a Ring For the Ages (fat chance) or not, it is still a wonderful shared experience, and where else do you get to meet the same fine group of people night after night, tummies full and dressed up nicely and smelling really good and get to sit together or apart in a darkened theatre, letting that sublime music take you away from the Humdrum world you may have stumbled into?

That's a rhetorical question of course.  One man's meat etc.

When the subject of a website was first mooted to me by a wonderful friend with the techno know-how, I immediately thought of one thing......having a cold beer.  That done I thought how fine it would be to invite two of my favorite writers on Opera to join me.  Both of them told me to "get real" so I ended up asking Terri and Doug to share the honors and the hate-mail.

Terri has only taken part in one of my "Jamborees" to date.....the Seattle Tristan last whenever it was (I am wasted on Spaten Beer) and I have to say (begrudgingly) that having her there made the event even more memorable, even though my mind is a blank since landing in Orlando....see what happens when you DON"T fly United???!!!


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